10 Years in Education: Thoughts on How to Love a Teacher! (Education Blog 1)

I started this blog by placing the pictures I wanted to use since I could hardly find the words first. How does one say goodbye to a piece of their life, a piece of themselves, ten years in? I'm not quite sure, though I assume processing it through writing will help (which I plan to do via this blog as I transition into the next season). I also know that many have walked this path before: have changed careers or lifestyles 10 or even 20 or 40 years in; have lost a spouse after decades of marriage; have taken that other road diverged in the wood that they hadn't walked before. So, it's been done by many, and I'm not alone--a great comfort. I also have a great God and a great husband on the adventure with me, two more great comforts. But the fact is, there is simply no other way to traverse but via en media res, and therein lies the rub in the comfort. Just as in great literature, so it is in life--we begin in the middle of the story; the adventure, not knowing what is ahead, only on occasion remembering what is behind (via flashback), because we (the character) are not the writer. The Lord crafts the story I walk, and I must trust the author as I walk into the next chapter. I must lean into the other characters and settings I meet along the way. As Elsa sings in Frozen II, so it is for all--"Into the Unknown," I shall traverse. But as I do so, I shall share my thoughts. From one character leaving the world of education to other characters reading this blog, here is my heart as I follow my Abraham (who is my Isaiah) to the next phase.

I use to think education was a natural fit for me, and I'm coming and have been coming for the past several years to see that, that may not be entirely true. I'm not sure it is a natural fit for anybody with the way it is now set up. The world of education asks so much of its teachers that I'm fairly sure no one single person can tick all of the seemingly required boxes nor can they feel comfortable in every single skin their asked to walk in as they perform diverse roles. For example, the skins of entertainer, editor, caretaker, and youth leader/discipler almost always feel natural to me; however, the skins of performer and knowledge-center don't always feel natural (neither does that of IT person or planner). A few of my teacher friends who are more comfortable as rule-enforcers, graders, and knowledge-centers, struggle with the more public aspects in education like entertainer and public speaker (some of my co-workers for example are terrified of speaking at the upcoming EOY Awards Ceremony whereas I am fine with putting myself on display...embarrassment is simply not in my vocabulary). The beauty is that there are so many skins in education that one can seem or perhaps "be" successful no matter who they are, but the problem is there are so many skins in education that one can seem unsuccessful to others or the self as well since one singular human can't wear all of the expected hats/skins (choose your metaphor) without toppling over. So, as a teacher, you are both always and never successful most of the time simultaneously (it all depends on your perspective and others perspectives unless you are filled with the identity of the Lord at all times--a difficult thing indeed even when in the Word each morning!).

But perhaps the reason education has always seemed attractive to me is because it asks so much; it is in my opinion the closest thing to parenthood one can experience in the career world. Just like being "mom" means many things (some actually required and many seemingly required or expected), so it is with education. These diverse roles, expectations, and child-specific serving which make teaching akin to parenting are one reason why roles like teacher become conundrums in the sense of calling verses career. Confusion which equals nightmare for conscientious Christians who are INFJ Enneagram 9s like me. I just want to get things right, but what does that mean in a broken world in a broken system serving broken people when you're also broken, and no one truly articulates what your job is anyway? Oh wow. Good luck. 

But this knowledge of the impossibility of the task is the very thing that keeps us humble and dependent on God and others. Ironically, it's also the very thing which helps since if the task is impossible in human terms, and we are doing our best, there is nothing else we can do, and that relieves the pressure! My mother used to tell me to "do my best and give God the rest" (similar to a beloved Keith Green song) in high school when I would stress, and I have oft reminded myself and my students of this helpful and true idiom. I just finished a book called Running on Empty put out by a missionary in Serge, and the advice on being a pastor's wife or missionary wife was very encouraging given my experience in education. The book had a lot to say about knowing the impossibility of the task of ministry and love before us, and because of that, being humble Christians who know our brokenness and need for God. Living in these truths as the broken vessels we are in vulnerability rather than pride; allowing others to learn through our lived-out experience rather than false performance--these are what make us powerful influence: the power of God in a broken human life is, after all, what the gospel is. Though I have oft' felt like "a failure" in education, I am happy to say that if honest, lived-out-but-imperfect love and dependence on God and others as I strive, is the expectation, I have and will continue to meet that daily! 

On a more generalized note, at the age of 34, I also now question whether any job ever feels like a natural fit everyday. The truth of the matter is, though we don't throw toddler tantrums, adults are still human just as much as the crying child who needs a nap, and there are plenty of days where we either feel like doing nothing, or due to health, cycles (womanhood dude), or mood, don't feel good at or capable of a certain aspect of our "job." We serve a God who gives us freedom (on days when I don't feel I can evangelize, I can still send nice notes or send a text to a single-mom friend to encourage) in our roles; I married a spouse who thinks I'm wonderful no matter how screwy I am (when I can't do the dishes, I do the laundry, and when I simply can't do either and weep and ask for a foot bath and green juice, Isaiah loves this messy self). But in the job world (in America at least) and especially in the realm of education, feeling that one is failing when one can't perform a certain aspect of the job is common. I honestly, 10 years in, can tell myself it's okay to give the students independent-work-time since I have energy for grading and editing and not relationship (and since I don't want to yell at the small humans), and I can execute this plan and have a good day with no yelling and solid productivity from both teacher and students. But did I follow the lesson plan I had to make 1 week in advance when I did this? Did I communicate this change with parents? If an Admin happened to walk in and observe me that day, do you think I was considered good at my job for knowing my own sin that day and adapting since I am human? ....Exactly. The expectation to be super-human exists in motherhood and teaching hard-core, and I have to say I'm not a fan. Asking anyone to be or perform like Jesus as a human who needs Jesus simply isn't kind. (*By the way, if any of this resonates with you, I highly suggest The GraceLaced Podcast; changed my life!) 

All of that being said, this not-so-great aspect of teaching (inhuman expectations) is the very reason I love it. I can't (and no one can) humanly handle it. It is a career that can only be done in dependence on Christ and community. So, I think in this first blog (though I have much to say and would love to address how schools can better clearly communicate and continually define expectations), will focus on 4 ways to best love the teachers in your life. Whether you're a parent, church member, pastor, friend, spouse, here are some thoughts (in no particular order) about How to love these worker-bees in your life expected to do impossible things with meager resources for kids who aren't even theirs....

1. Give Them Grace and the Benefit of the Doubt: 

Here's the truth, there will always be bad educators just like there are bad Panera workers, bad truckers, and bad postal delivery workers. People are people, and they come in two main forms (read Psalm 1!). There are folks who are great at their jobs, and folks who stink at their jobs because they lack character. But, the truth is, OnlyFans Famous teachers (Lord help us!) and TV teachers who have affairs with students (so gross!) set a terrible and mostly false precedent. 

Teachers are mostly not in education to corrupt students or to be lazy. They are not trying to trick you as a parent or demonize or bully your child. Teaching is hard (like super hard!), and teachers are not paid well for their time or their effort, and teachers got degrees for this job (which included MANY classes on the adolescent mind, sociology, and courses on how to genuinely understand, empathize, and do the right thing all of the time). We were literally trained for 4 years plus in kindness, empathy, and understanding typical and atypical children. So please, give us the benefit of the doubt. When your child comes home with a story of a mean teacher or they get a bad grade, call us before calling our bosses; treat us as humans who care about your tiny human. It's possible your child is misunderstanding (their brains, after all, aren't yet fully cooked until age 25!). 

I know that in today's world, parents are responsible for being on the alert to an extent. But if you can't seem to trust a public school teacher or give them the benefit of the doubt (thinking the best until proven otherwise), trust a Christian school teacher (who in addition to the already-intensive-vetting process teachers go through, have additional vetting like giving the school their church history, testimony, pastoral recommendation, signing a Statement of Faith, etc.). If you can't trust a Christian school teacher or at least call them rather than jumping to conclusions, maybe you should homeschool so you can have more control at home. There will always be a trade, and trust is kind of a requirement when you let someone into a child's life--teachers included. 

I get it: trusting someone with your baby is a HUGE deal, but we not only agree with that truth as teachers, we have been and continue to be (trainings and continuing education is a real thing!) prepped and ready for that responsibility. We are willingly taking it on to help you get other things done in your work day and to prepare your children to be good citizens. If we didn't take this responsibility seriously, we wouldn't put up with half of the things we do in education. We teachers are a fun but epically serious bunch! We, for the most part, understand the weight of what we are being entrusted with. 

2. Let them be Themselves Outside of Regular School Hours:

Guys, I legitimately cannot explain to you how many rules and regulations teacher are required to follow on the daily. Students complain daily about the rules we set out for them and the discipline we enact when those are not followed, but they do not realize that we teachers follow far more itemized expectations than those we require of them as grown adults. I have at times compared working in education to working in the military--time requirements, tracking requirements, dress codes, speech codes, emergency plans--there is SO much that we submit to simply to continue to love these kiddos and keep our jobs. 

So please when you see teachers outside of school hours, let us be a little looser. Yes, teachers should demonstrate modesty and character at all times because we have voluntarily accepted the role of Leadership of Tiny Humans and Paragons of Wisdom, but we should also be allowed to be normal adults. I have been judged for wearing jeans with knee holes to basketball games and stained T-shirts to events where I am serving as clean-up crew in almost every school I've worked in. If I'm coming to student's games on my own time to support them and cheer for them when they're not my kid, please let me enjoy my sweats or jeans.  If you see me lookin' a hot mess at the day's end, ask me how I am rather than judge me or talk bad about me. And who knows? I could look a mess because I'm cleaning up for an event rather than conducting it. Don't judge before you know our day and our story. It's so hard to be an educator who spends all day intentionally not judging and choosing to love difficult tiny humans, to then be constantly judged and critiqued by adults. Can frankly feel unfair.

In addition to letting us embrace a bit of freedom outside of school hours, also if you have teacher friends who seem to need to complain or let off some steam, let them do that. Teachers spend all day being positive in a world of negative. The good ones at least also spend all day choosing not to be toxic or spread gossip, so they are full of unexpressed emotions. So, if you are the spouse or friend or church member of a teacher, let them be human. Let them complain. Let them express. Don't cut them off with some trite phrase like "Well it's a privilege," or "Everyone has work stress." Yes, everyone has work stress, but teacher stress is specific and intense. 

Teachers are heroes in a sense, but they are more the Bruce-Wayne-type heroes who are fully human and vulnerable and still choosing this daily. So, let your teacher friends speak about work freely when needed, and let the teachers in your life be and dress chill when "off the clock." I can promise you, they earned it. 

It can be difficult to feel like yourself when you only get to express part of it in your work day for the benefit of the children and the environment, so if you're a teacher's friend/spouse, just be there and let them do the same since they don't often just get to "be." Also, grab that broski some ice cream or take-out. Chill is the name-of-the-game when loving these worker bees. 

3. Do Go All Out for Teacher Appreciation Week and for Christmas! 

I have worked with teachers who don't appreciate gifts for Teacher Appreciation Week, mostly because the gifts aren't good and/or because in their words "they'd appreciate support in discipline more than a keychain." I know that sometimes it seems Admin gives dollar store gifts that in no way acknowledge the hard work a teacher does; I know that sometimes it seems only junk food is offered to the heroes who give of themselves daily; and I know that an unasked-for, often out-of-touch gift from Admin doesn't make up for them not supporting teachers in their daily struggles. All of that being said, I freaking LOVE Teacher Appreciation Week and small gifts and Christmas gifts; I love gifts and notes from students, parents, and Admin alike. It may partially be that I'm not picky, and it may largely be that my love languages are Words of Affirmation and Gifts; but, in all honestly, I also just simply think that giving teachers who aren't paid enough some love through gifts and gift cards is a wonderful thing to be celebrated. So please, keep making those cute appreciation gifts from Pinterest; keep feeding us special lunches; and keep making your teens hand-deliver their gift-bags to the teachers they love and the teachers they loathe. It's so, so good for culture and morale.

My most recent teaching post at Rockwell Christian School provided some of the absolute best ideas and gifts for Teacher Appreciation and Christmas, and I think it comes down to a few concepts that I can (and will) condense into advice for loving educators well. (1) Make an effort to give a Christmas gift and a Teacher Appreciation Week gift (and for Admin: Make said Teacher Appreciation week the week before Final Exams). This is the best way to lovingly distribute your gratitude. This is because Christmas is the end of Semester 1 when teachers are pulling their hair out trying to love children, and Teacher Appreciation being placed at the end of Semester 2 gives a nice bookend rounding out the 2nd season of teachers pulling their hair out trying to love children. So, when given at these times, you get more bang for your buck when it comes to teachers since you are loving them at the close of 2 important and hard seasons. (2) Make your gift practical and/or personal. The truth is, as a teacher, you serve parents you're very close to and who know you are least fairly well and you serve parents you hardly talk to (probably because their kid never gets in trouble LOL). Both of these parent-types give gifts to teachers, which is so great! My advice is, if you don't know the teacher(s), go for practical (we teachers are indeed a pragmatic bunch always making it work!). If you do know the teacher, make it personal. Either way, you succeed in making that teacher's smile wider at a time when they're likely quite exhausted and contemplating their life choices. I've had parents who don't know me well, give me gift-cards to healthy eating or coffee places close to the school, so that it makes it easy to grab a coffee on them on a hard morning or afternoon. In this way, the teacher is filling loved at least thrice: once when they receive the card, once when they're on the way to school or back home feeling lousy and they see the place you bought them a card for (Bliss!), and once when they are enjoying their coffee or snack treat on you! I've also had parents make care packages with a mix of typical teacher needs (trail mix for protein, iBuprofen for headaches, coffee pods, Kleenex packs, cough drops, etc.)--also genius. Don't just give junk food or make something cute. Yes, we appreciate anything in a sense, but also we don't alway love being tempted to eat poorly or simple looking at something cute that doesn't do us much good. The truth is that teachers' physical needs (just like mom's at home!) are real and often overlooked, so loving us in the practical is such a gift! 

I've likewise received fairly personal gifts that have touched my heart. For instance, a student gave me an Ace Hardware card at the end of the year because he knew we were moving. Another student's parent made wood-burned coasters with an "E" for English that I received for Christmas: personal and beautiful. (*Pro-tip comment: Teachers love their last names! After all, we get called by them 80 million times a day, and we worked hard in school to become Mr. or Mrs. So-and-So, so anything you can give with our last name initial or last name is a win, and feels personal.) I can remember another student as my last placement gifting me a garden flag with the name "English" on it that we hung with care for years. Finally, (3) If you don't have money, don't let that stop you from loving on a teacher. I'm going to shoot straight with you: news flash--We teachers don't have money either, yet we spend money daily on the students. And when we literally have no money in the bank, we spend time and resources. There have been Literary Jazz Poem fests where I have made cracker treats from herbs in my garden and Awards Ceremonies and Graduations when I have crafted bouquets from my garden and the neighboring flowering trees around my neighborhood. Often, when there truly isn't money, what remains is intentionality, time, and physical resources to combine and craft something of love and beauty. So don't use money as an excuse and do give from what you have. We teachers speak that language of serving with little. We will see and acknowledge the gesture. I promise. 

4. Realize that Teachers have been through Trauma and are Processing as they Serve and Love

Trauma is a relative term that has so much to do with personality and reaction to events, so not every individual who goes through something is going to have the same level of hurt or need for healing. For example, in a family, 4 siblings can experience the exact same thing and only 1 can seem to be impacted long-term. 

That being said, what nurses and teachers in particular experienced during Covid-19 was unprecedented, damaging, and psychologically complicated. There was so much that was impossibly hard, and there were so many transitions which we were expected to handle like machines and not the humans we are.

So, we are healing. We are processing. And we are taking responsibility for that healing and processing outside of school since when in school we are being as healthy as we possibly can, refusing to give children our burdens but rather being burden-bearers for them.

So, please understand that just like the students, teachers are in-process of sanctification, of growth, of getting back to who they were before the world shut-down and re-opened, expecting us to meet new and changing requirements weekly, even daily. So, show us grace and love like we show the kids. Understand that sometimes emotions may surface that we didn't expect. Understand that physically we may get sick more often for a while longer. Understand that we are trying to re-learn that we really can and are equipped to do this since so much of our identity and confidence was stripped away. Understand that the teachers who haven't quit are exhausted but lovingly trudging to till a garden that has more weeds and rocks than ever. Understand that it's an up-hill battle for your kids and we're in it with you. We are on the same broken, striving, God-glorifying team. Let's go Saints! 

***Marriage and Teaching are the greatest adventures I have had so far. I will always love education with its complexities and victories and strifes. It's a grand calling and a grand way to live your dream and grant others the ability to dream too. Just remember that it's still a job, and that, at the end of the day, if you've done your best to love God and love people, that's all that's ever needed!