The Importance of the Church in this Young Person's Life

Lately I've been thinking a lot about the role of the Church in the forming of young people, particularly in my own life and testimony. My brain has ventured there recently due to a renewed seriousness in my reading choices. The knowledge that soon (come the end of this year or so) my husband may be an actual church planter or pastor of some kind is both exciting and intimidating, and I want my reading to be preparing me for that season. As I've read our book for Sunday School, What Happens When We Worship by Jonathan Cruse, as well as What Is the OPC? by Alan Strange and some like from the church rack and my Uncle John stash, I've been reminded of the importance of the corporate nature of the church. And when I think about what's going on back at home in N.C. (namely, difficulties with a brother of mine who has Schizophrenia) I wonder...How exactly did I get through adolescence feeling seen, invested in, and important given all of the needs in our household? 

I've jokingly called myself "the normie" given that in our childhood home we lived with and grew up with Uncle Kevin who was challenged (called M.R. from a time before more definitive and healthy categories existed) and my youngest brother Colton, who has Autism and Sensory Integration Disorder (he also suffered from sleep Epilepsy and extreme Asthma for years, but has healed from that in his adulthood). Looking back, my brother Mitch who was always highly academically gifted, also had some Attachment Disorder (he was an quite premature at birth) and possibly some other struggles (perhaps RAD or Autism) that went unidentified mostly due to us assuming it was his intellect that got in the way of normative social existence for him. [It was later (during the Covid years) when both Mitch and Logan would receive further diagnoses brought likely on by genetics, poor diet, and drug use.] Yes, it is true that growing up with special siblings makes you feel useful and feeds the spiritual gifts of service, empathy, mercy, and patience. It is also true that I had a great mom who did a great job raising her only girl (me) and who involved me in the numerous therapies and events in Kevin's and Colton's lives. 

In middle school, I was Uncle Kevin's special prom date and sang "Oklahoma" songs with his his old group-home mates, and we hosted special cookout events in our backyard which mom and I helped plan for and host. In high school, I traveled with mom to Asheville for special therapy sessions for Colton, staying at the Ronald McDonald house and meeting other "normie" siblings who loved their families hard. I also went to Colton's overnight sleep studies and numerous EEGs and brain scans, and sang with him and slept in his hospital bed so he would be distracted and not pull the electrodes from his head for the ump-neeth time. All of that helps you feel involved, participatory, like a help rather than a bother, seen in the sense of being needed and a part of the journey. But there is more to it than that. There was also the church. Firstly, there was youth group.

Though Uncle Kevin did eventually come to youth group with me and sit by me each Sunday (a helpful deterrent for all of the less mature boys), Meadowview PCA youth group, for the most part, was a time when I just got to be me, me without the whole of the Cleary family. Just Calli being appreciated for Calli and what she added to discussion, whether that was in-depth questions, attempted peace regulating between Scott Cranston and Jesse Entwistle who loved debate, or additional insights. And Wednesday nights were no Kevin nights, since dad's class had food and sweet tea and even I couldn't compete with that! Wednesday nights at youth group were fun nights with games, bonding, and same-sex devotions. Wednesday nights I got to remember that I was still a kid too, even if I was an older, more mature one with lots of responsibility. 

But lest you think that youth group was the only service the church did for me in helping me feel seen as an individual, there were also plenty of other ways in which the church raised me up to feel important for more than what I served in. Meadowview had a secret-sister ministry in the church which really helped me feel seen as me; wiser ladies would draw younger ladies names from a hat and send each other gifts and letters placed in the ladies bathroom on the counter. At the end of the year, you'd find out who your secret-sister was at a special dinner. We did this for years. I had at least 3 different secret sisters (some twice), all of whom encouraged me with notes, long letters, and special girly gifts I wouldn't have received otherwise. I was being invested in by women other than my mom on a regular basis all because the church is amazing, full of family members who invest in those not born of their womb but born of the Spirit. (And I don't know who came up with this idea, but Lord bless them in glory!) 

I mention youth group and secret-sisters because, during service, I sat with my family, and though I did take sermon notes in cute notebooks from mom and secret-sisters, it was quite hard to focus squeezed into our motley crew of often ill-behaved young men. Pew-sitting was a struggle for Kevin and my brothers! So, having things outside of service for me to flourish and be was instrumental in forming a young woman who doesn't despise her upbringing, but rather cherishes it for all of the sanctification and growth it taught me. 

Another huge blessing connected to church was nannying and cleaning. My mom and her friend Leah came up with the idea of my being a "mother's helper" who came and helped clean and organize the tricky places in houses that never get clean, and babysit the kiddos as well. On babysitting nights for the Greers and the Cooks I was on my own, but on cleaning/organizing afternoons, I worked alongside these women, being invested in and loved as I cleaned and scrubbed. And the great thing is, I didn't even realize it at first. What a loving thing of my mom to realize a need I didn't yet see for myself and plan this pre-teen job for me! But also, what a loving thing of women like Leah and Jan to provide--income for my help along with advice and love for my life. Around high school I started realizing what was going on (having done this already throughout middle school), but I loved it and cherished it too much to care--I was fine with being partially tricked for the sake of my betterment! 

There was also the wider church influence in my life which included my connection to Leah meaning Summer Backyard Bible Camp at her local park which taught me memory verses, kid's songs, and evangelism. And connection to Jan meaning her husband Rob teaching me about car maintenance and attempting to teach me about finances (he was way smart!). And connection to a dance ministry meaning a long teaching-mentorship from Meredith Worley, as well as opportunities to be creative outside of our home and have quiet places of study around dance class hours (of much importance during all of those AP classes once I transferred into public school). There were also numerous loving moms of my friends at church, who saw the hardship of life in the Cleary clan (our genuine needs) and tried to make my life a little more light--whether than be the Cranstons providing glamour shots with Elizabeth, places to rest in between dance classes, or special Christmas gifts of makeup I would never be able to get for myself, or the Spillmans providing brandname jeans and teaching me about curly-hair-care and pop-culture. The truth is, I was surrounded by love and investment. And that is due to the fact that God gave my mom and others in the church wisdom to see that I needed support in order to provide the support I was providing. The church took care of the little care-taker called Calli, and that is why she's not bitter but rather, grateful and in love with the church so much that she married a future pastor/planter/missionary who loves the church just as much.

I have observed and known many who have had childhoods similar to mine, or easier than mine who have felt unseen, bitter, unforgiving, or have turned their back on family or the church. Some of that may be due to the lack of the work of the Holy Spirit in them (He helps us see the good). Some of that may be due to the fact that they genuinely didn't get invested in, that the Church didn't do her work there; if so, I am sad with them. I don't know their story unless they tell it. But what I do know is that without the work off the church in my life (and guys, I didn't even delve into the Rich Fork years! I AM LOVED dude), I would likely be nowhere near where and who I am. It is the Spirit who directs our eyes to what the Lord has done in our lives, but it is everyday people who do that work (feeble as it may seem at the time) which the Spirit points to and says "Look, what God did! Look how loved you are! Now, go and do likewise." 

It is with that Spirit and understanding that I entered public school in mid-10th-grade and loved and evangelized; it is with that Spirit that I entered more ministry in 10th grade at Rich Fork Baptist via missions trips and children's ministry. It is with that Spirit that I saw a man worthy of me. It is with that Spirit that I taught for 10 years. And it is that Spirit that causes me to love church each and every Sunday, and which prompts me to call "Abba Father" to my one true love, the Head of the Church, who deserves all of the glory and any good the church has and will do. 

So, why am I saying and sharing all of this? Perhaps it is because my heart has been very about the church lately due to my reading--Praise God! Perhaps it is because I want the local church and wider church to see some ways in which it can impact youth through individual investment as well through programs and women's ministry. Perhaps it is because when I look at my family and how hard they are striving to help my brother, I am reminded of the church and its investment in me and am thankful for such a physical and spiritual family. It is definitely because I want others to see God's care and glory in my life. It is definitely because I love his Bride, the Church, and intensely desire for the Church and the world to see her beauty. And it is definitely because I wish to encourage and older and younger people to seek the good, see the work of the Spirit, and forgive any of those distractors which would keep us from truly perceiving the glory of the Lord and the Church in our lives. Look back. See what the Lord has done. See how you have been loved. You are not forgotten or unseen. Christ has always been there. So have the helpers, the investors, the people who have helped shape your life. Praise God! 

As always, thanks for listening. May God be praised through the words of my mouth, and may the Church continue to do her work so that others may see the beauty of her Lord.